Ok, to be fair most of the time my internet connection is great – it’s nice and fast. But periodically it will go all wonky for a few days and then I want to ‘keep an eye’ on it. A bit tricky… However there are two good things: there’s a fairly simple web page on the router that gives me all its stats, and Be (my ISP) has an excellent forum with lots of helpful technical people & Be staff to give tips on what to do. So if I can gather useful info for them, I’m sure I’ll be able to fix it.

What I decided to do is only use Python to ‘scrape’ the data I wanted from the Router’s web page and the stuff it into some data store and give me a nice graph out of it. I did look at cacti/rrdtool but I would have had to install and configure lots of other things (as I’m on a Mac) and I just wanted to use Python ideally, because Mac OS X comes with Python pre-installed.

So instead, I’ve knocked up a simple script that reads the Router status once a minute and writes a row of data out to a sqlite database (which is very simple to knock up). Then I have another script that reads out of that database and produces a html page with a graph or two. I’ve used the Google Visualisation API to draw the graphs, because they have a simple python API for it and a nice timeline graph that I can use.

I’ve a little Mac mini that I can leave on running my little ‘monitor.py’ script and Mac OS X has ‘web sharing’ (using Apache web server) that I can use to invoke ‘report.py’ to produce some nice interactive graphs of the history of my router. (a quick link on how to set this up)

So now I will leave this running for a while and see what data it produces. When I have a LOT of data I should probably summarise per hour and/or per day, and not keep every single minute’s worth of data. I don’t need to worry about that too much yet.

I might even be able to use this approach at work, although we do have Cacti set up there, so that may be a better option, but it is very complicated to configure and this might be a simpler/more flexible solution – especially with lots of good graphing solutions now out there.

The scripts are here: speedtouch_monitor.zip (41 KB)
They should work with a Speedtouch 585 Modem set to it’s default IP address (eg any Be customer).
You will probably need to enter your router’s password in the monitor.py file.

Also here is an example report from report.py.

Ladies and gentlemen who have purchased a new Apple Mac, take backups.

If I could offer you only one piece of advice for the future, taking backups would be it.

The long term benefits of taking backups have been proven by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice… now:

Time Machine is built in to OS X and works both with external hard drives and Time Capsules (over wifi or ethernet). It will unobtrusively back up all your changes and will save your arse when your mac breaks / gets stolen / gets run over by a bus / etc. Use it!

If you are thinking of buying a Mac, do buy it with AppleCare – or go out and get it right now if you didn’t. Your Mac will then be kept working for 3 years, by which point you’ll most likely want to swap it for a new one anyway. I can’t recommend this highly enough, especially for laptops which do seem to be prone to hard disk failures (amongst other things). I know it’s not cheap but if something breaks, you will definitely get your money’s worth!

Spotlight is how I launch pretty much all my apps, rather than searching through start menus or anything else. Just hit Apple key + Space Bar and up pops the search window. Also useful for finding misplaced documents, emails, contacts and other things – but I mainly use it for starting apps.

Quick Look means never having to open a file to see what’s in it. Just hit the Space Bar with a file selected in Finder and it pops open a handy preview.

System Preferences if you’re trying to work out how to change settings on your mac, this is the place to start.

If you have a laptop, then two finger scrolling on web pages is your friend. I miss this a lot when using a PC. Remember you can plug any USB mouse in and have that work, so if you have an old mouse that you really like, you can still use it.

This is my one security tip: set up an Administrator account and make the account you use a Standard account. This means whenever apps want to install or doing anything out of the ordinary they need to ask your permission first. This makes your computer much safer against any nasty software. Talking of which, I don’t recommend running any Anti-virus programs – surprising but true! I don’t run any and never have on the Mac. There may come a time in the future where that’s not the case, but right now I’ve never seen or heard of any Mac malware that didn’t need to ask your permission to stuff your computer up first. So just exercise caution when you download and install applications and you should be fine.

Turn your Mac off sometimes, it is very fast to just use Sleep (or close the lid on a Macbook) but even Macs like to actually be turned off and on once in a while – they run some extra maintenance scripts and clean out cruft. Needless to say if your Mac is ever behaving oddly then the first rule (as with all IT stuff) is to try turning it off and on again. Seriously!

You can still use Firefox on the mac (download here) but I personally prefer Safari, the built-in web browser. There aren’t as many plugins and it’s not as tweakable as Firefox, but it is faster.

Apple Mail – I don’t use it because I’m not at any one mac often enough to keep my mail on it. I just use gmail (which works very well in Safari).

Which reminds me, if you use Google Calendar and Contacts you can get these to sync up with your iCal and Address Book on the mac.

Perian is great if you want to play any old kind of weird video formats – it just adds them all to Quicktime so it ‘just works’.

If you need to save a copy of a document or web page, press Print and then find the little PDF button the bottom left of the Print dialog. Click on that and choose Save as PDF. PDF support is built in to OS X (like support for zip files) so you don’t need to install Acrobat reader (in fact don’t, it is much slower than Preview).

Transmission is a great BitTorrent client and even has a web interface that works on an iPhone/iPod.

Cyberduck is the app to use when uploading files to FTP/SFTP/WebDAV/AmazonS3 — I sometimes use this for uploading things to my web site.

If you tire of using Front Row to browse your music/video from afar then Boxee seems to be shaping up very well as a ‘media center’ for your mac. It has an iPod/iPhone remote control app that makes it very handy.

If you’ve bought a new Mac you’ve probably got all the iLife apps on there. I can attest that GarageBand and iMovie are both handy for some light audio and video-remixing. If you need to do more involved audio editing then I’ve found Audacity to be useful, if a bit fiddly sometimes. If you want to encode video you can either do this from within Quicktime Player/iMovie or use Handbrake for more control.

I’ve recently ditched an old copy of Microsoft Office for iWork and Pages seems to be a lot easier on the eye. Haven’t quite got the hang of Numbers yet, but Keynote is definitely the easiest way to get slides for presentations sorted out. If you don’t have it free on your mac, iWork is not expensive (£70). You can also use Open Office if it has to be free – but I’ve given up on this recently as its just too fiddly to use (like many open source products, UI is not a priority).

If you decide after a few months that you need more memory in your Mac, I recommend Crucial as they’ve supplied me well for a few years now.

Finally if you need to do a ‘spring clean’ on your mac because its acting weird, I usually run Onyx which will clean out all manner of old caches and run the built-in Apple maintenance scripts. (Don’t forget to just turn it off and on sometimes).

I nearly forgot, to install a new application you usually just drag the icon to the Applications folder. Likewise to uninstall it just delete its icon from the Applications folder. It’s really that simple (OS X has a cunning way to package up all the data an app needs so that it is just in that one icon, which is much easier than the Program Files / registry malarkey on Windows).

If you only take one thing away from this, take backups. Seriously.

(There is more advice from Apple at their Switch to a Mac page.)

I’ve been on a little holiday or two recently and have been using B’s camera and Photoshop’s auto-panorama feature to make the following panorama (hosted on the excellent Flickr). Each are quite big, so its best to click on them and go to ‘all sizes’ and ‘original’ to see it big in Flickr. Enjoy.

(This last one is huuuge by the way)

As seen by myself and Bea this last week at Dawlish! Had a great little holiday despite noisy feckers on the campsite. Grr.

Now we’ll look at the “best of the rest” in Eurovision

Greece

Greece have a pretty good electro-tune that’s quite Steps-like – sung by a Greek genric hunk-type man bint.

He’s kind of a combination of Ricky Martin and Julian McMahon (Dr Doom in The Fantastic Four movie)..

Hang on, that bloke’s got my t-shirt…

Careful, if the wind changes you’ll stay like that…

It’s obviously all too exciting because at the end he esplodes!

Still, at least they remembered to have a key change, scoring two points in total. It’s a low scoring year, I have to say. A disappointing lack of key changes and meaningless lyrics all round! Null points!

Bosnia & Herzegovina

Whoever directed the video for Bosnia & Herzegovina has a fantastic eye for Russian constructivist art – it’s beautifully done. Unfortunately it’s a very slow song… I spent the entire time waiting for it to start, oh dear. Very much an “is that it?” song.

Still, bonus points for the art direction:

B also appreciates the fey indie men in military jackets (as you can imagine) but sadly that only gets them two points in our scoring system. Must try harder, guys!

Hungary

Another electro synth George Michael-esque gay dance number, this time from Hungary. It’s not entirely clear what the theme of their video is – I suggest “gay clubbing through the ages” as that seems to fit the best.

We start in the future, where our singer is having a bit of a lie down, probably after all that turning upside down. Very tiring stuff.

Then its time for some 1940′s “on the town” action – yes, those outfits don’t make you look gay at all guys.

No idea why they felt the need for a frankly disturbing ventriloquist show.

Then the 70s happens – oh dear.

Then finally we’re up to date – I think.

Overall, it’s not a bad song but it just doesn’t really stand out. Points for the video, but you wonder what they’ll do on the night.

Germany

Germany are represented by the “Alex Swings, Oscar Sings” … I know, it really does write itself, doesn’t it? Now apparently these guys are going to bring on Dita Von Teese on the night, who will be gyrating away on a giant black pair of lips. I say! I think I need a lie down just thinking about that… ahem. Anyway the preview video isn’t nearly so… stimulating.

Yes, we have another singer with a shirt that just will NOT stay shut, oh aye – and this isn’t even Alex, who is apparently the ‘swinger’…

After a bit of ‘open shirt singing’ they go on a cruise… err, drive, around the US.

It all ends happily and Oscar finally gets a suit and a backing band. Alex presumably gets to keep swinging.

It’s a ‘big band’ tune with nicely meaningless lyrics – oh wow, especially at the end. I think I should have given them more points for “skiddly skiddly bang”… Hmm, maybe a little key change in there as well. Oh well, the graphic’s wrong now. They should have scored 6 instead of 4. That puts them up to third in my table – what a shock result! If have Dita on the night, she could ‘swing’ it for them…

Czech Republic

Ok, so the Czech Republic may not be able to afford a fancy schmancy video, costumes or even an audience – but they don’t need it – they have a SUPER GIPSY! This is brilliant craziness.

These images don’t do justice to the madness that is SUPER GIPSY! He’s Super! and a Gipsy!

His nemesis is the violin!

I think Super Gipsy could be a shoe-in for the ‘comedy’ vote. Will that be enough? Will we be heading to the Czech Republic in 2010? You’ll have to watch on Saturday to find out!

Now that we’ve explained the voting categories, here are our top 6 Eurovision 2009 entries:

Moldova

Actually in 13th place in the full table, Moldova’s Nelly Ciobanu is our ‘wildcard’ entry into this ‘top 6′ because the song has the combination of a “Moldovan Tourist Board” video and a catchy tune that could see it pick up points.

They could do a better job of promoting their country though – you’d think it was filled with sheep

and valleys

but mainly with lots of men dancing

There is some footage of the band too:

But mainly its just LOTS OF MEN DANCING

I only wish I had made up some of those pictures – they were all from the video! Crikey.

Anyway that’s Moldova with the “so odd it might just win” entry.

FYR Macedonia

Moving on to the more serious contenders we have the longest named country ever, the Former Yugoslavian Republic of Macedonia. (Not to be confused with Italian fruit salad.)

The unfortunately named ‘Next Time’ are the strongest contenders in the category of ‘Aluma-rock’ in this year’s competition. They combine a moderate amount of rocking out with very bad hair cuts – most of the band are sporting what I can only assume is a tribute to Brian May circa 1975. The video is a bit hyperactive on the camera moves as well which is somewhat nauseating. The opening riff definitely makes me want to sing along – to ‘Born in the USA’ where it was clearly nicked from.

Bad hair:

Nauseating camera moves – note this one is NOT Photoshopped by me:

Oi! Director-lady-bint – stop flirting with your staff and SORT OUT these camera moves!

Oh gawd, there’s another one:

Eventually even the camera operator gets sick and they move the video into a faked up ‘concert’ with a few dozen people waving their hands around. You can tell its fake because its not full of irritating tossers taking out of focus pictures on their shitty mobile phone cameras and getting in your way. Possibly they don’t have those yet in the FYRM, or maybe they just aren’t inconsiderate gits like some people I seem to meet at concerts…

So that’s FYR Macedonia! Their strong alumarock credentials plus a half-hearted key change net them 5 points and put them 5th in our overall table.

Armenia

Inga & Anush represent Armenia with a combination of madness (check out the headgear) and a little bit of celtic mystic chords going on. Plus a dance! That you can learn! … or you may be forced to learn by their ‘dance army’… Blimey I just realised they hid a key change in there! I’ll have to update the scores again now…

Lots of extra madness points for the combination of JK and Orbital’s headgear and kazoos.

Obviously somewhat pushed for locations to film in, the producers bizarrely chose this under construction road overpass.

Although the message of spreading joy through dance is a positive one I can’t help thinking they’re forming some kind of sinister dancing army that will take over the world! I think I may have been watching too much Dr Who but that’s the impression I get from scenes like this:

Bulgaria

Krassimir Avramov’s entry for Bulgaria is called ‘Illusion’ and they really go to town on the mentalism in this one – I think someone’s been watching Terry Gilliam’s “Time Bandits” to be honest.

You know what it’s like, out for a quick ride with “the lads” in 13th century Bulgaria when you’re suddenly attacked by bandits…

.. and the next thing you know you’re surrounded by feaky children

men writhing on racks…

midgets and people on stilts…

.. but there’s a mysterious bint who beckons you on…

… and just when it seems your day is picking up…

It turns out you’re dead! Just typical.

Bulgaria’s heady combination of falsetto, pumping euro beat, dwarves, people on stilts and chainmail could see them heading for success! They’d certainly get a vote from me.

Netherlands

Rather bizarrely the Netherlands have a very, very ghey trio of men with dubious haircuts called “The Toppers” – the one in the middle reminds me of Keith Harris. Or Keith Barron. But it’s better than you might think! It’s irrepressibly jolly and ‘up’!

Their set looks like they’ve done a “Queer Eye” makeover of The Architect’s pad from The Matrix:

The trio are Jean Paul Gautier-a like with impossibly pale eyes…

Keith Harris / Keith Barron …

and someone who looks like a children’s TV presenter… perhaps a dutch John Barrowman?

The best bit, though, is that they have beams of light coming from their hands!!

Do you see what they’ve done there? Yes, they’ve taken their song title “shine” as literally as Pans People are are shining light out of their hands. Classic Eurovision. I can only hope they do this on the night with silver gloves and strong lights, or something. Otherwise it might fall a little flat…

Their main problem may be their name (as B pointed out “There must be a lot of arguments in the band, because they’re all toppers – no one wants to be on the bottom”). They’re equal first in our list with Montenegro!

Montenegro

Finally, our no 1 top tip for Eurovision 2009 is Andrea Demirovic, the maximum Stage Ghey entry from Montenegro. Stealing beat from the ABBA sound ‘gimmie gimmie gimmie’ and sounding fully like a gay club anthem, they’ve stolen from the best… then improved it with lots and lots of ghey gyrating.

Now I know what you’re thinking, but apparently she is a lady and not another ‘Dana International’… although if anything that would increase her chances of winning.

She is accompanied by a variety very, very ghey dancers. Check out the shorts…

You’re fooling no-one… feigning interest in ladies one minute…

Then the next your shirt just ‘happens’ to fall open…

… then the full ‘George Michael video’ effect takes hold!

You do have to wonder about the writer’s state of mind though… after spending the best part of three minutes exhorting us to “get out of my life” they end the song with “or just stay.” So get out… or don’t. You know, if it’s inconvenient. Or you don’t feel like it. Whatever. They’ve not really followed through on that have they?

So that’s the top 6. Dodgy block voting aside I would expect one of those to win!